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disillusioned




Hey everyone,


I know this is going to be a controversial topic for some. For others who have never had ties to one particular faith group or church, this might seem very foreign, but I hope it will provide some insight. And for others, I hope it will be a whisper that you are not alone. I’m beginning to loose faith in the church.


I had several questions for my church regarding the LGBTQ community and premarital sex. I don’t believe that these two things are inherently a sin, but, from what I can tell, they did not believe that same. I wanted to hear their side of the story, as well as engage in the church in a meaningful why, which I feel like I haven’t been able to do for months.


After a church meeting, where it was briefly mentioned that if you were openly gay and/or having premarital sex, you were not allowed to serve. I found this somewhat disturbing and wanted to know what they meant by that, so I got a pastor’s email and asked if we could have a chat about those issues. He said yes, and asked if I was free the next day (Tuesday) in the afternoon. I said I was. Tuesday came, and he said if we could do Wednesday. Yes, of course. Wednesday comes, I get a text from him “Hi Lauren, it’s pastor _______.”


Me: “Hi pastor ____________”


Two hours later:


Him: Do you still want to do a call soon?


Me: Yeah, in, like 15 minutes?


After that, I never received an answer back. It’s been four days.


I’m just extremely disillusioned by the church. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, I’ve been ghosted many, many times. I’m open to still having a talk with him, and, who know’s, he might reach back out, but the lack of communication is extremely frustrating. We are supposed to bear one another burdens, not ignore them. I realize that people have things going on in their life, and I totally get that, but I also find it disrespectful to one’s time to not communicate when you need to bail and not following up after that. I’m trying to learn generosity of thought and grace in this, but I’m struggling with it.


Furthermore, the constant love-bombing for the church has been really off-putting. I’m not saying that we all should blame the church, but, rather, there should be a healthy balance between praise and critic. I’m sure the church has done amazing things for people, taking them out of depression, healing spirits, and inspiring, but I also feel like there is a lack of accountability for the church as well. Where are the people who feel like they have been ignored and gaslit by the church? Where are the people who feel lonely in the congregation? Where are the people who struggle with volunteering? I want to know and figure this out together.


If this sounds like something you are dealing with, I would love to hear from you so you don’t have the struggle with this alone. I also want to make clear, that in no way is my faith questioned. I am still deeply in love with God and Jesus and the holy spirit has been guiding me through all of this.


Until next week,

Lauren

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